11/21/2005

Infomercial


mystic tv
Originally uploaded by dapoetspeaks.

(Anncr - announcr)
Cheesy Sales music plays in the background

Anncr:
Is your life ruled by the mundane? Tired of doing things one-way? Is your constant compulsion for truth and honesty making you the outcast among friends?

Well no more!

Music crescendos

Anncr:
Now, for a limited time only, add a little spice TO YOUR LIFE with a bag of LIES AND INNUENDOES!

Lies and innuendoes will make you the talk of the town and better with your buddies! And now, here to tell us more about this revolutionary self-destructive habit is Ms. Taken!

Ms. Taken:
Hi and welcome to a brave new world where lies and half truths rule the globe! Now I know you’re saying: “Ms. Taken, how do I know if
lies and innuendoes will work for me?” Well you can trust me it works! I started off with lies and I lost 40lbs of virtue! Then by
adding a few hints of sharply placed innuendoes to my diet, I became the bell of the ball! Sure I felt disillusioned at first, but once that conscience of mine died, I felt as good as new!

But don’t take my word for it. Hear what others are saying and when we return, we’ll bring on the creator of lies and innuendoes… Baal Z!

Cheesy Sales music plays in the foreground
Anncr:
All around the world, millions of people are experiencing the veiled benefits of telling lies and practicing libel innuendoes.

Customer 1:
When I started lying I couldn’t believe the benefits! I got the job of my dreams and all I had to do was lie about my age and education.

Customer 2:
Thanks to lies and innuendoes I was able to nab my boss’s position!

Customer 3:
I got this girl to sleep with me after only two dates thanks to lies and innuendoes!

Customer 4:
The best part was when I started lying to myself! I started to believe my own deception!

Anncr:
The secret to lies and innuendoes is to leave your self-depreciating soul open to the father of lies Baal Z! Whose sole purpose is to make
YOU feel so inadequate that you think you need his help to succeed!

Act now and join the millions of people already going to hell! We’ll also throw in half-truths at no extra cost! So go ahead, compromise a little? Why be lonely anymore? Lie and be agreeable today!

And best of all… ALL LIES ARE FREE! (Giggling to self)

Cheesy Sales music crescendo then fades.

Ms. Taken:
And we’re back with Baal Z! Now…
(Voice fades out)

Tracy J Hutchings
© 21:11:05

1 Comments:

At 11:49 AM, Blogger Elspeth said...

I like this. Would make a nice little video piece or part of a play.

 

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